I feel like I’m missing out.  Do you know why? Baths. I can’t get on board with them.

I have NEVER got the concept of a relaxing bath.  I don’t get it.  What does one DO in there? Apart from the obvious hygiene bits.

I so want to be one of those people who are genuinely thrilled at the concept of a bubbly bath after a long day. They wallow for hours (OH is one of these strange folk), happily doing what they do in there, feeling relaxed and so forth. These people are smug. Smug bath people.

You see, I WANT to love baths, I really do.  I try so hard.  Perhaps I’m not doing it right.

I get all enthusiastic, run the bath, pour a gallon of bubble bath picturing that scene from Pretty Woman when she’s in the bath, singing along to Prince and generally enjoying the experience.  At this point I have high hopes that maybe, just this time I’ll become a bath addict.

I light candles as according to these ‘Super Bathers’ these will enhance my experience of the bath.  Get my magazine, wine and get in.

Firstly, it’s too bloody hot, I feel like I’m going to pass out.  My skin feels hotter than the sun. Pour cold in………its too cold…………pour more hot in…….burn my foot.

Secondly, I can’t read my magazine because of the sodding candle light.

Thirdly, magazine gets damp after I’ve been pawing it at it with wet hands.

By this point I have usually found one of Monty’s foam bath letters, nestling in somewhere unmentionable as he’s left it in the bath.

It’s all too much and my fantasy bath is ruined, and I’m left bereft that I’m never going to experience the joys of this pursuit. I get out. I’m hot flustered and not chilled.

I plod my way back to the lounge and every single time my OH pipes up “You weren’t long……!!”

No, no I wasn’t. Any bath advice welcome! Surely I’m not the only one??